Alright, so the classless baggage that is currently hanging around my room is my younger sister Victoria Kane. She is here to visit me for my birthday, even though I seem to recall when she asked what I wanted for my birthday, the answer was 'stay away from where I live at all costs'.
There are officially rules. Do not sleep with my sister. She may try, but the person I will blame will be you. I will misuse all powers granted to me by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, a father emmeshed in the highest levels of British Intelligence and the fact fact that I'm bigger and stronger than most of you in response to any infraction of this one rule.
She is not to be trusted. There will be stories. They are lies. Again, not to be trusted. Especially in regards to whether or not she needs another drink. Do not be fooled by her wily Canadian ways.
If I do not survive this weekend, it will be entirely her fault. I want that documented beforehand.