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08 March 2011 @ 11:32 am
Alright, next time I'm injured, I'm self medicating. I've got a headache worse than any three hangovers I've ever had combined, without the enjoyment of the wild, barely remembered night that possibly involved a traffic cone, a case of kiwis and a stripper named Candy beforehand. What the hell are those painkillers meant for; walrus surgery?

Thankfully, I have been moved out of the hands of Nurse Ratched and back to my room before she could make good on her threats of colonic irrigation. I'm off work and the team for the next little while due to that minor breaking all the bones in my hand thing, but I'm assured that my healing factor will return it back to full function and I will be able to play the piano.

Which I'm excited about, because I couldn't prior to the injury.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Contentx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC)
I thought the stripper was named Kiwi and it was a case of candy?

Regardless, it is perhaps best if you do not re-read your emails.
Garrison Kane: perplexedx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 05:34 pm (UTC)
Nope, I'm pretty sure it was a Kiwi candy striper named Cone.

Wait, what? Why?
Marie-Ange Colbert: I pinchx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 05:35 pm (UTC)
You were convinced you had tubes full of orange juice and something called maple bookface.
Garrison Kane: Happyx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 05:38 pm (UTC)
Actually, that's not so bad. I mean, bizarre stoned hyperbole, sure, but at least I wasn't screaming about sponge baths and oral sex or something.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Trying not to smilex_tarot on March 8th, 2011 05:39 pm (UTC)
You also insisted you were 'fellated' by Lady Deathstrike.
Garrison Kane: Loss for wordsx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 05:50 pm (UTC)

Well, that's an uncomfortable realization.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Breaking the 4th Wallx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 05:51 pm (UTC)
So either you were, and perhaps you need to have better taste in girlfriends than long-presumed-dead killing machines who from all accounts need better manicures, or you were not... but now I have a record of exactly how drugged you were.

Garrison Kane: Dubiousx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 05:54 pm (UTC)
OK, what's it going to cost for this entire incident to have never happened? Judging by the emails, I was pretty generous with my opening offer of orange juice.
Marie-Ange Colbert: What are you doing?x_tarot on March 8th, 2011 05:56 pm (UTC)
You also offered Mardi Gras beads in exchange for topless photos. Not coincidentally, today is Mardi Gras, so your timing was accurate enough.
Garrison Kane: Listeningx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:27 pm (UTC)
Huh. Well, in that case, you want to catch a bite? Which is Canadian for 'do you want to bring me food while I awkwardly try to use the remote control left handed?'.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Milkshakex_tarot on March 8th, 2011 06:37 pm (UTC)
Are you allowed to eat solids, or are you still restricted to orange juice in tubes?
Garrison Kane: Heyx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:39 pm (UTC)
I am totally on solid foods. Although I can get in some orange juice for you if you'd prefer.
Marie-Ange Colbert: I see what you did therex_tarot on March 8th, 2011 06:44 pm (UTC)
Is Canadian orange juice in bags like milk is? Because I am not sure a bag of orange juice sounds like a good idea when you have one hand.
Garrison Kane: Eatingx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
I'll find one of those plastic jugs that guys like to pick up and pretend like they're lifting weights.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Calmx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 06:48 pm (UTC)
I will pick up dinner on the way to the mansion, if you like but I insist on orange juice. You promised.
Garrison Kane: Happyx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:53 pm (UTC)
I have orange juice and, like, seven months of TiVo here. We'll figure out something to do.
Marie-Ange Colbert: What-ever.x_tarot on March 8th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, I am sure we can find something.
Doug Ramsey: Taking Notesx_cypher on March 8th, 2011 05:57 pm (UTC)
Given that it's now on email AND journal servers?
Garrison Kane: sternx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:25 pm (UTC)
We will not negotiate with terrorists. Only red-heads.
Doug Ramsey: Why am I talking to you?x_cypher on March 8th, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
Said "terrorist" is responsible for data archival of the email servers on which said redhead's email is stored.

Just sayin.
Marie-Ange Colbert: Bored nowx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 08:26 pm (UTC)
I am sorry, would you like orange juice or topless photos as well?
Doug Ramsey: dude wait what?x_cypher on March 8th, 2011 08:28 pm (UTC)
...are you offering?
Marie-Ange Colbertx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
Do you really need more topless photos after you have slept with all of New York City?
Doug Ramsey: folded armsx_cypher on March 8th, 2011 08:33 pm (UTC)
It was not even close to all of New York City.
Marie-Ange Colbertx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 08:37 pm (UTC)
Oh, I am sorry, you did not decide to sleep with men? All of the female population of New York City between the ages of 18 and 29.
Doug Ramsey: not amusedx_cypher on March 8th, 2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
Not even a statistically significant portion of that data set. I dated some while you were gone, which is a far cry from 'slept with all of NYC'.

What do you care anyway?
Marie-Ange Colbertx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 08:42 pm (UTC)
That is not how I hear it.

I care because it seems to rile you up when I comment on your sex life.
Doug Ramsey: Why am I talking to you?x_cypher on March 8th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)
Yeah, well, "how you hear it" is highly exaggerated.

And I get riled up over being misrepresented.
Marie-Ange Colbertx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 08:46 pm (UTC)
I like my version better, it is a nice change from moping.

You have no sense of humor.
Doug Ramsey: I own  a lot of sunglassesx_cypher on March 8th, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
I have a perfectly healthy sense of humor. I just don't find the implication that I'm some kind of Lothario who did nothing but have sex between the time you left and the time you came back all that funny.
Marie-Ange Colbertx_tarot on March 8th, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, I know you did more than have sex. You also had a fistfight with Angelo! (why?)
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 06:09 pm (UTC)
So, if I'm understanding this correctly you broke your entire hand but at least you had a good time with Ms. Deathstrike? One has to wonder if the two are at all related and if so that is some impressively dangerous fellating there, love.
Garrison Kane: Dubiousx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC)
I punched her in the head, my hand exploded and then they shot me up with enough drugs to qualify as Charlie Sheen's breakfast before giving me a laptop with a voice dictation program. I was set up.

Edited at 2011-03-08 06:30 pm (UTC)
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 06:33 pm (UTC)
If you just told her you weren't into teeth you wouldn't have had to punch her in the head while she was busy fellating. Implying that it was the technology's fault is a poor excuse.
Garrison Kane: Unsurex_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:37 pm (UTC)
That is exactly how it happened. I was lucky that Jean and Paige and Dugan were there. Otherwise, who knows how the mission might have turned out.

Go now, and spread my legend through-out the land.
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 06:42 pm (UTC)
Yes, sir. I'll get right on that. Garrison Kane: the man who had to punch the chick in the head when she got too mouthy on him. There will be ballads written in your name. The Man They Call Kane, amongst others.

Garrison Kane: On the townx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 06:48 pm (UTC)
It's not A Boy Named Sue, but I'll take it.
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC)
It's very catchy, I promise, and we'll see about getting a Cash tribute singer to do it up in the bet Cash approximation we can get for you.
Garrison Kane: FBIx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 07:05 pm (UTC)
Remind me to think of a way to get you arrested at some point, well you? Likely after the tribute concert, of course.
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Now, now, darling, don't you know that I'm a thoroughly law abiding citizen while on US soil? It's one of my rules.

And it's just no fun if you're not the one putting the cuffs on me. ;)
Garrison Kane: FBIx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
I'm with the FBI. When has the person needing to be guilty ever stopped us?
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
So you'll have your boss take me in, cavity search me for good measure and let me sit in lock up for 72 hrs? All because I'm trying to ensure you're immortalized in song? I'm hurt. Wounded, really.
Garrison Kane: Coolx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 07:13 pm (UTC)
Of course not. I'd send at least a dozen agents to take you in. Momma didn't raise no fools.
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
I'm flattered that you think I'm a big enough threat to warrant a dozen highly trained, skilled federal agents. You know how to make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Garrison Kane: FBIx_dominion on March 8th, 2011 07:20 pm (UTC)
Hey, I want at least a couple of them to make it back in one piece...
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 07:25 pm (UTC)
I'll have you know I very rarely go for severing limbs or decapitation. It makes things so much messier and messy attracts attention.
Doug Ramsey: eyerollx_cypher on March 8th, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
...now which one of you considers this their version of foreplay?

Fess up, because I could see it being either one.
x_copycat on March 8th, 2011 07:41 pm (UTC)
My version of foreplay doesn't involve handcuffs, surprise surprise, so that leaves our illustrious Mountie.